I bought the lock in 2009 for my trip to Brazil and I keep a copy of the combination in a hiding spot in my closet. I could have sworn the three numbers in my combination were 2, 6 and 36. I tried every arrangement of those numbers before forcing myself to step back, sit down and think again. Maybe it was 2, 6, and 32. After several failed attempts I started thinking of ways to contact my roommate so she could go into my closet, find the combination and read it to me. Since we are in a most fantastic age of cell phones I only have two phone numbers memorized: my dad’s cell number and my home phone number in California. The only thing I could think of was asking the staff members at the front desk if I could use their phone to call my mom and then asking her to email my roommate and having my roommate call the gym. I stopped myself short when I realized they probably wouldn’t allow me to dial a long distance number.
Convinced I was going to have to ask a staff member to cut my lock off I knew I only had once choice. I had to clear my thoughts of all possible combinations and wait for the image of the written combination to pop into my head. I tore my eyes away from the word “Master” engraved on the lock. Consciously steering my mind away from the thing I needed most led me on a hopscotch-like tangent of number-free contemplations. Just as I was delving into a random idea free of any useful purpose a combination came to mind. I thought for sure I had already tried it but I reached for the lock one more time. After turning the dial for the third time I pulled down on the lock and POP! It opened. I was very happy to leave the locker room and everyone who had seen me staring at the lock hopelessly.
I walked out to the parking lot with my trusty Master lock in hand and a line from “Invictus” by William Ernest Henley came to mind: “I am the master of my fate/I am the captain of my soul.” I was happy that the little lock had forced me to stop and really think, “Who’s in charge here?” I had to either remember a short combination of numbers or find someone to bail me out of a frustrating situation. Luckily the numbers finally hit me and although I might have spent 5 or 10 extra minutes in the locker room I still exercised a bit of willpower by going to the gym in the first place.
Sometimes I feel like will is a muscle that needs to be strengthened into a rock hard form and other times I feel like it needs to be stretched and tenderized. There are many things I want this year (heck, I feel like I have the whole year planned out!) but I know it will be a balancing act between my will and God’s. I want to push myself to accomplish more but I want to do it for the right reasons. In all, I want the will to wait, try, learn, sacrifice, and be present for others. You could call these my New Year’s Resolutions.
Willing to Wait
All good things come to those who wait, right? Let’s hope so! There are certain things about my life that I wish I could change but when things don’t go according to my plan I want to have more patience and wait for “the right time.” However I will be mindful of the words of George Jackson, “Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it’s cowardice.”
Willing to Try
“Make voyages. Attempt them. There is nothing else.” Tennessee Williams
When I was younger I was a big chicken. I always felt too scared to try out for soccer teams, too scared to audition for plays, etc. This year I would like to put myself out there (not in a dating sense, more in a “try new things” sense) and reach for greater things. (Yes, I’m purposefully being vague. If things go well I’ll blog about it, trust me.)
Willing to Learn
“The greatest intellectual capacities are only found in connection with a vehement and passionate will.” Arthur Schopenhauer
I want to look back in 12 months and think of all the things I learned. Life lessons can be painful but I hope to learn lots of enjoyable things along the way.
Willing to Sacrifice
I enjoy Christmas’s glad tidings of the birth of the Savior but in all honesty I prefer to consider Easter Sunday’s reminder of Christ’s sacrifice. Matthew 26:39 tells of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane, “And he went a little further, and fell on his face, and prayed, saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt.” A few verses later Jesus asks the disciples to stay awake and keep watch while he is in the garden, “Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak,” (Matthew 26:41). Jesus Christ made the ultimate sacrifice and I would like to give something back. I think being more watchful and prayerful would be a good start for me.
Willing to Be Present
“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” Theodore Roosevelt
I have a lot of dreams but I can’t neglect the present. Someday, somehow a few of my dreams might come true. In the meantime I have to work with what I already have. I want to be available for my friends and family. Above all else I need to resist the urge to escape reality.
I really hope your new year is starting off strong. I hope mine will have more focus now that I’ve put all of this into words. While daydreaming might not always be the most productive activity, sometimes it can bring to mind a most important fact or idea (or in my case a combination). I hope the numbers line up for you this year and things fall into place. If you find yourself reeling from a failed attempt at a new endeavor just remember these words from Winston Churchill, “In war, as in life, it is often necessary, when some cherished scheme has failed, to take up the best alternative open, and if so, it is folly not to work for it with all your might.”
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