Too Many Fish in the Sea

Many people regard P-town as the perfect place to date. There are thousands of young single adults looking for love and many people have time on their side. If you've ever been told, "There are plenty of other fish in the sea," you should see P-town. It's more like a hatchery. There are schools upon schools of fish going in different directions and avoiding various predators - whether it's the snapping jaws of finals week or the paralyzing tentacles of Monday morning. There are all kinds of fish - student fish, worker fish, foreign fish, athletic fish, artistic fish, political fish, fighter fish, couch potato fish and everything in between. Some know how to do amazing tricks and others have gorgeous scales. They're constantly developing skills to attract a mate and they always know how to find out what the other fish are doing. They swim in circles going through college semesters, fiscal quarters and whatever else their 365-day calendar has in store for them.

In contrast, my hometown is more like a pond. There are some fish in there but it seems like there are a lot of lily pads, shadows and empty space. New fish rarely come along and most of the fish in the pond have known each other since birth. Not much going on there.

Back to P-town: it's a swim-for-your-life environment. Find a clique and keep up. There's safety in numbers, but I fear there is also a false sense of optimism. Anyone like me who's a transplant from a home pond and has tried to assimilate in hopes of finding someone to date can probably agree that it is a daunting task. Sure, we are surrounded by other fish but the problem is the sheer volume of options. I always thought I liked a certain type of fish but now that I've gotten to know so many fish I can't really figure out what I like best. Maybe the ones with big eyes, or rough fins, or flashy scales or sparkling teeth. Suddenly, instead of being involved in a group survival effort, this little venture has become all about me, me, me.

Okay, enough fish talk. The thing about young single adults sticking in their hometowns or other cities that are not the "Mecca of Mormon Dating" (aka P-town) is that they're forced to take a good long look at the people around them. They are hesitant to write someone off because the selection is limited. In contrast, people constantly write each other off in P-town. "She's not talkative enough," "He's not athletic enough," "She isn't conservative enough," "He doesn't drive a nice enough car," and yadda yadda. There are dozens of other ridiculous reasons but I think the main problem is that we look right through each other. We're so used to being surrounded by people who are like us that we take it for granted and assume we'll just run into another dozen or so attractive (possibly single) members of the opposite gender every day for the rest of our existence. As long as BYU stands, the flocks will come every year. There's just one problem: you and I are getting older. The freshmen will always be 18 and the age gap will grow until we wonder what on earth we're still doing here. "Well, there's no one to date in my hometown, so..." So what? What are we going to do about this? Here are some options I've pondered:

Option 1 : "Move out" - Perhaps it's best to find new waters. I've always heard there are a lot of church members in Arizona. Maybe the heat wouldn't be that bad. However, moving is a pain and I'd have to leave my job which is a big no-no.

Option 2: "Give up" - While it sounds tempting and oh so relaxing to retire from the dating scene, I'm afraid it would be too boring. There's something to be said for the foot-stomping, fist-wringing, hair-pulling frustration, suspense and regret that is characteristic of a good dating drama. On the other hand, nothing can compare to the head-reeling, stomach-dropping, heart-racing elation that comes from a dating success.

Option 3: "Bide your time" - Maybe if I just keep doing what I'm doing, I'll trip over an obvious solution. Either that or my 31st birthday will jump out and bite me on the butt. This option sounds only mildly more appealing than standing in a mine field during a hailstorm.

Option 4: "Make something happen" - Now, this sounds a little better. It makes my stomach wriggle a bit, which must mean it's got potential to change the status quo.

I have chosen Option 4, and thank heavens I'm not the only one. Guys, just in case you're wondering, the reason more and more girls are asking guys out on dates is because they're tired of waiting for something to happen. (Dare I say - they're tired of being ignored.) They are curious about you (or they just need a date to their mission reunion) and are trying to figure you out. Play nice, but do what you want us to do: be honest. The truth is the vast majority of singles living in P-town can step up their game. I don’t mean play games, but saddle up and get out there. If you happen to fall upon disappointment in P-town, don’t worry. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Literally.