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Showing posts with label challenge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label challenge. Show all posts

9.30.2013

Fall of Fortitude



fortitude: mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously

Last night I watched one of my all-time favorite movies, “Dan in Real Life,” with a group of close friends. One scene stuck out to me like never before. Dan and his daughters were in the midst of an annual family reunion when he inadvertently fell for his brother’s girlfriend. In an effort to get away from the couple and their lighthearted flirting he took his daughter, niece and nephew on an impromptu field trip:


The scene reminded me something that happened back in August. I was sitting on my couch and spotted a Book of Mormon on a nearby shelf. It was the standard paperback issue the missionaries carry around. One of my friends had left it in my apartment by accident while he was on splits with the elders. On that particular afternoon my head was whirling. Something rather confusing had happened and I wasn’t sure what it meant. I didn’t know if I should feel hope or indifference. I picked up the book, closed my eyes, flipped it around a few times so I wouldn’t know which cover was which, and opened it. Keeping my eyes closed I placed my finger on the page. I opened my eyes and read Ether 2:23:

And the Lord said unto the brother of Jared: What will ye that I should do that ye may have light in your vessels? For behold, ye cannot have windows, for they will be dashed in pieces; neither shall ye take fire with you, for ye shall not go by light of fire.

I recognized the story. The brother of Jared had just built eight barges so his people could cross the ocean and inherit the Promised Land. The barge design was completely enclosed except for a hole in the top and in the bottom which would allow for light and air whenever the barge was on the surface of the water. The brother of Jared had just asked, “Behold, O Lord, wilt thou suffer that we shall cross this great water in darkness?” (Ether2:22). The Lord continued:

For behold, ye shall be as a whale in the midst of the sea; for the mountain waves shall dash upon you. Nevertheless, I will bring you up again out of the depths of the sea; for the winds have gone forth out of my mouth, and also the rains and the floods have I sent forth.

And behold, I prepare you against these things; for ye cannot cross this great deep save I prepare you against the waves of the sea, and the winds which have gone forth, and the floods which shall come. Therefore what will ye that I should prepare for you that ye have light when ye are swallowed up in the depths of the sea? (Ether 2:24-25)

Before I continue the story of the brother of Jared I want stop and look closely at these verses. First off the Lord compares the barges to whales in the sea. The barges were designed to be completely submerged while withstanding a beating from the ocean. Waves, winds, and floods are each mentioned twice. Once the elements let up the barges could return to the surface of the water and the top hole could be unstopped to allow for new air. The word “prepare” is mentioned three times in verse 25. The brother of Jared’s preparation included building the barges but it didn’t end there. The Lord promised to prepare the people to cross the waters by giving them light. He challenged the brother of Jared to figure out how to light each barge.

The mere prospect of riding in a modern-day submarine freaks me out quite a bit. The idea of time-traveling back to the era of the Tower of Babel and watching people construct vessels with no steering equipment freaks me out even more. As mentioned in verse 23 there were no windows - only a measly skylight in the top of each barge. The people were expected to commend the vessels to the sea and leave all steering in the hands of the Lord. Okay, I might be able to get on board with that but then the Lord promises to hammer them with waves, winds and floods. Holy cow.

Luckily the brother of Jared was a man of great faith, “highly favored of the Lord” (Ether 1:34). Through his faith and prayers he and Jared successfully avoided the confounding of tongues at the Tower of Babel (Ether 1:33-35). The Lord spread that blessing to his family, Jared’s family and their friends and family (Ether 1:36-37). The brother of Jared had led these people away from the tower and through the wilderness on their way to the Promised Land (Ether 1:38-43). He had already had a hand at testing out similar barges in the sea in the wilderness (Ether 2:6-7). Having already spent at least four years in the wilderness with these people he certainly knew their strengths and abilities. Some part of him knew the voyage was possible. Instead of backing down he stepped up to the Lord’s challenge and came up with a solution for lighting the barges. “And it came to pass that the brother of Jared, (now the number of the vessels which had been prepared was eight) went forth unto the mount, which they called the mount Shelem, because of its exceeding height, and did molten out of a rock sixteen small stones; and they were white and clear, even as transparent glass; and he did carry them in his hands upon the top of the mount,” (Ether 3:1).

The third chapter of Ether gives an amazing account of the brother of Jared praying to the Lord for forgiveness and pleading with him to touch the sixteen stones, “…that they shall shine forth unto us in the vessels which we have prepared, that we may have light when we cross the sea,” (Ether3:4). Paraphrasing can do this chapter no justice. It’s worth a review if you have a few minutes.

After the Lord touched the stones, “the brother of Jared came down out of the mount, and he did put forth the stones into the vessels which were prepared, one in each end thereof; and behold, they did give light unto the vessels” (Ether 6:2). The final preparations were made and once all of the supplies were gathered the people, “got aboard of their vessels or barges, and set forth into the sea, commending themselves unto the Lord their God” (Ether 6:4). We know that the Lord always makes good on his promises:

And it came to pass that the Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land; and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind.

And it came to pass that they were many times buried in the depths of the sea, because of the mountain waves which broke upon them, and also the great and terrible tempests which were caused by the fierceness of the wind. (Ether 6:6-7)

Although they were driven down into the dark waters time and time again, “no water … could hurt them,” (Ether 6:7) because of the manner and quality of the construction of the barges. Their physical preparation was sufficient and their spiritual preparation was constantly tested. In order to return to the surface the people would “cry unto the Lord.” The wind driving them to the Promised Land was constant as were their songs of praise and prayers of thanks (Ether 6:8-9).

And thus they were driven forth; and no monster of the sea could break them, neither whale that could mar them; and they did have light continually, whether it was above the water or under the water. (Ether 6:10)

These remarkable people survived these conditions for 344 days (Ether 6:11). That is three weeks shy of a year! If I had to choose between spending 344 days in a sea-tossed barge or 344 days crossing the plains with the pioneers I would probably pick the pioneer trek. That’s saying a lot!

And they did land upon the shore of the promised land. And when they had set their feet upon the shores of the promised land they bowed themselves down upon the face of the land, and did humble themselves before the Lord, and did shed tears of joy before the Lord, because of the multitude of his tender mercies over them. (Ether 6:12)

I’m grateful for that day back in August that led me to rediscover the story of the brother of Jared. Much of the tumult and confusion of summer has passed and, as predicted, fall is settling me down into a new, calmer rhythm. As a result I’m vulnerable to a constantly creeping false sense of security. Although I’m not in a barge several meters under the ocean’s surface I am living in a wild world full of dangers and temptations. Perhaps the greatest danger is forgetting I need God and the greatest temptation is to become lax in following His commandments. I want my heart and my testimony to be fortified and tight, “light unto a dish” (Ether 2:17). I don’t mean I want my heart to be closed. I just want to make sure I open it at the opportune times to let in new light and air. (Metaphorical light and air, that is. I don’t want a pulmonary embolism!)

I have kept Ether 2:24-25 on my bathroom mirror for the last month and a half. Remarkably September is already coming to a close. I’ve had many joyful days this month. Sometimes things are going so well I look at my bathroom mirror and think, “How could I have ever needed that scripture?” In those moments I carefully read the verses out loud and remind myself that anything can change at any moment. God has promised challenges and he has also promised deliverance. May I never cease to see his miracles in my life.


5.13.2011

One Foot in Front of the Other

After years of eagerly watching my sister’s games from the sidelines I turned 8 and joined my first city league soccer team. I played for the next nine years and while I always enjoyed the sport I never considered myself much of a runner. (I ran well in seventh and eighth grade but those years were the exception to a quite general rule.) After high school I stopped running with the exception of college intramurals soccer games and the occasional Ultimate Frisbee game. Things turned for the better when I arrived at the Missionary Training Center in Sao Paulo and was assigned to a companion who enjoyed running. We agreed to divide our wealth of exercise time between the volleyball court (my preference) and the track (her preference). The MTC had a short oblong outdoor track and it was on that slippery surface that I first ran for 30 minutes straight. Of course soccer requires a lot of running (mostly rib-splitting stop-and-go sprinting) but I never thought I could run for that length of time without stopping. It was an accidental yet exhilarating baby step onto a health and wellness crash course.

After leaving the MTC I served in four different areas in Brazil. I gained a ton of weight in my second area and sweated plenty of it off in my third. I still had a lot of work to do in my final area, Rio de Janeiro, and the city infused me with a renewed desire to exercise. I was lucky to room with three other sister missionaries including my MTC companion. We lived a few blocks from a popular boardwalk running path. On any given day one of the other sisters and I would wake up at 6:15, hastily change into running clothes and head out the door. These mornings were special. I wasn’t accustomed to seeing the sun just after sunrise. Temperatures routinely climbed to 80 degrees even before 7 am. The swelling heat was an extra incentive to get out the door before 6:30. We would run to the tip of the boardwalk which afforded a wonderful view of Pão de Açúcar (Sugarloaf Mountain) with its strange cloud cap. We could never figure out if the helmet-shaped cloud was the result of pollution or natural precipitation. On the very best mornings we would run back to the apartment and see Francisco, one of the newest church members, walking to the subway on his way to work. He would cheer us on as we sprinted toward our apartment building entrance on the corner of a busy square. It was always easier to make it to the end when we saw Francisco.

When I returned home I moved in with two friends from junior year. We were all seniors and had recently returned from our missions. We would go to the BYU indoor track and run together. I was glad to have friends who shared the hobby. I began to understand how running could release stress and help break through snarled thought processes. While my pace and frequency constantly fluctuated one thing remained the same: I wasn’t satisfied unless I had run for 30 minutes. Whenever I had my eye on the clock and wanted to stop I would think back to the clock at the MTC and I knew how upset I’d be if I stopped short.

Fast forward a few years. I’ve always claimed that the reason I’ve continued running is so I can eat all the pizza I want. At some point pizza ceased to be my incentive and instead I craved the feeling I got from running. Last month I was on the phone with my mom and she mentioned that my next trip home would coincide with The Human Race, a major annual event in Sonoma County. She had made it a habit to participate in the race and she told me I should try it out. The thought of running a race gave me a little anxiety. The fact that the Human Race only offered two course options – a 3K (1.86 miles) or a 10K (6.21 miles) – gave me even more anxiety. I knew that running 1.86 miles a few feet above sea level wouldn’t be much of a challenge but I was completely intimidated by the thought of running for an hour straight. (I’ve been dogged by a ten minute mile ever since high school.) My mom pointed out that I would have a whole month to get ready and I became more optimistic. I got on a regular running schedule (one that had been dominated by television viewing splurges and social whims during winter) and set my sights on Saturday, May 7th.

Before I knew it the big day arrived. On Saturday morning my parents and I got up at 6:30 and jumped in the car at 7:15. We found a parking space and walked to registration. My dad was loaded down with a camping chair and a few cameras as my mom and I dashed to the registration tables to get our racing bibs. We handed off our sweatshirts and walked to the start line waiting area. I got between the “9 Minute Mile” and “11 Minute Mile” signs and tried to stretch but the tension was fierce. There must have been thousands of people there and I quickly lost my mom in the crowd as she walked back to the walker’s starting area. My sister and dad warned me that it is easy to get carried away and start running too fast at the beginning of a race. Before I knew it the clock struck 8 and the race began. As I tried to find my groove and move with the crowd I reviewed the course map in my mind. It circled Lake Ralphine and Spring Lake. I had worked at Spring Lake as a Summer Camp Counselor for the YMCA and knew the route included several series of hills. I dreaded each one of them – both concrete and imagined.

The race started out as a game of finding my pace, then shifted to avoiding other peoples’ feet, then settled on finding the white mile marker signs. The first major ascent was a little imposing and as I rounded the bend I heard a curious sound – a school choir singing “You Can’t Stop the Beat” from Hairspray. I was so happy to get to the top of the hill and very grateful for the musical encouragement. “Mile 1” came much quicker than I had imagined and although there were many ups and downs along the way I really enjoyed myself during the race. During the third mile I caught up to an older woman. We were high above Spring Lake, right in the area where I had worked as a counselor. She looked out at the lake and said, “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I agreed it was. Running in a herd of people definitely makes it easier to keep going. Beautiful scenery beats the monotony of any indoor track. Combine that with low elevation, perfect weather, and summers of memories to sift through and you get a perfect race morning.

Eventually memory lane got a little more exigent. The beginning of the fourth mile led us through campsites and a roller coaster of hills and dips. I didn’t control my speed on the descents and as a result I had a hard time getting a full breath of air in my now side-achy lungs. When the biggest, baddest hill lay just yonder I knew it would be the test of the race to make it up without stopping. Why on earth this particular hill had to be in the middle of the fourth mile is anyone’s guess. As if my contracted rib cage and constricted lungs weren’t bad enough, the “mind game” aspect of the race kicked in as I watched people pass me up the hill. “Why not stop? No one would care if I stopped,” I thought. But I knew one person would care – ME. “You can’t stop the beat, dall nargit!” Propelling one foot in front of the other I got past that mountain of a mole hill and spied another set of hills. Luckily there was a strategically placed race marshal cheering us on. She said five beautiful words, “Last hill, guys. LAST HILL!” I wasn’t entirely sure if I should believe her but just wanting to believe her helped me pick up the pace and demolish the last few knolls.

Sadly our time in the Spring Lake area came to a close and we exited through a wonderfully downhill residential street. “Mile 5.” Bam! I tried to make a mental calculation of lapsed time and came up with 47 minutes. I searched and searched for a street sign reading “Summerfield Road” which marked the beginning of the final mile stretch. I never saw it but when we entered a series of turns down residential streets I could almost smell the finish line. By this point I was booking it. It was frustrating to not be able to see a long line of runners marking the course ahead of me (because we were turning every block or two) but I spotted the “Mile 6” sign and knew it couldn’t be much further. Finally I saw a blessed orange “Saucony” race sponsorship flag and I knew I was about to make the final turn. A group of people had nearly caught up to me and when I got out of the right turn and saw the balloon arch over the finish line I made a dash for it. Some chick managed to pass me about 30 feet before the finish but I was so spent at that point I could only keep the same pace. I glimpsed the clock (1:03:28) and couldn’t help but leap over the finish line in joy and exasperation.

As is the case with nearly everything I do, I was my own worst enemy. (Funny since I’m pretty sure I’m also my #1 fan.) While I have a tendency to overcomplicate things and tangle my trains of thought I am happy to run and work out the mental knots one by one. When I run I only have one job to do: Put one foot in front of the other.

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For more Human Race photos visit The Press Democrat: http://www.pressdemocrat.com/article/20110507/ARTICLES/110509567